Imagine if that were my status on facebook. Would you wait to see if your bully liked it? If you had been tormented enough, probably. You would want to see the person who put you through hell own up to the fact that they were a bully. Would you like the status if you were a bully? Probably not. You want to know why? Because if you are a bully, you're probably also a bit of an insecure coward.
What defines a bully? I'm not totally sure. They certainly come in all shapes and sizes. I'd like to just say "someone who is a total cunt" but that's not really the answer. It's not that simple. In my experience, normally a bully is someone who feels so shitty about themselves, or doesn't have enough confidence or self assurance, that they need to bring everyone else down so they don't feel so awful. Sometimes this is brought on because they were once a victim. Sometimes they can't be confident enough in themselves and happy enough with their own lives so they fuck with other peoples shit.
I was never really bullied. If I was, I didn't pay much attention and I have totally forgotten now. I had incidences where I felt totally excluded and like the scum of the earth because of girls. We all did. Girls are horrible. They just are. Some never stop being horrible and they end up really sad in life and that's on them. I have been called fat, stupid and I have received lot of interesting comments in high school because of the way I dressed or wore my hair. The thing is, I don't give a flying fuck now and I didn't then either. Those people don't mean anything to me. This blog isn't about them though. It's about the rest of us.
I'm not here to talk about how horrible bullies are. I'm not going to call out every person who ever said something rude to me or talk about all the assholes I see on facebook being absolute tools to other people. I'm not going to drone on about how much of a douchebag you are if you glare at other girls to intimidate them even though, fyi, you're a total douche bag. I'm just here to say that if you want to stop being bullied, put a little positivity back into the world and don't just sit around while you see other people being bullied. And if you are a bully, grow the fuck up and get some self esteem.
The reason I never let things people say get to me is because I don't give a shit what most people think. I know it sounds hard and it's easier said then done but what is the value of someone's opinion who sits around pathetically analyzing you when they could be off living their own life? Right. No value. If they really find their worth in bringing you down then they are honestly not someone who's opinion should be highly valued.
Bullying happens because we allow it to happen. If 10 people stood up for a victim every time a bully went all jack ass on them - the bully would be defeated. That would be the end. We just tend to be a bit cowardly. I'm a coward. I have stood by more times than I can count and it's something I truly wish I wouldn't have done. There are far more bystanders than actual bullies.
Another huge problem is that we say hurtful things all the time and we don't consider it bullying. I could be considered a bully by someones standards for sure. I just called a lot of people douchebags in this post. I truly believe you are douche bag if you try to make other people feel like shit because you are that insecure. I'm not saying it because it benefits me, I'm saying it because I believe it. But those are hurtful words, whether you are a bad person or not, and that's something I could work on.
We all have something we could work on. I hear girls talk about how another girl is a bitch to her, and they play the victim, and everyone is gainst them. Then the same girls turns around and say the meanest shit I've ever heard about another girl. How fair is that? It's not but we've all been there. But how much sense does it make to complain about bullying and turn around and say hurtful things about people?
I know that alone, I am never going to stop bullying because people are never going to stop being human. We can help it but I honestly don't have a lot of faith in humanity at the moment. I do like to think that if we all just try to be a little more positive, or friendly, we could cause a real change. I'm not saying you need to start a program at your school to stop bullying (though that could be a great idea - YOLO, people, YOLO) but just start changing your attitude, then your thoughts and eventually your words and it could go a long way.
Instead of calling someone a bitch, tell your friend how pretty she looks. Start positive or proactive conversation within your friend circles instead of gossip The next time you see someone wearing a shirt you like, tell them. When you notice a guy on your teams shot has improved, congratulate him. When someone holds a door for you, thank them. When someone is behind you, hold the fucking door for them. Be kind and helpful at work. Smile once in a while. Hug your mom. Hug yourself for gods sake - you're pretty great.
I'm not a perfect person. I have said a lot of hurtful things. I've stood by many times. I'm not playing holier than thou' right now. I'm just offering up some sort of solution because it is crazy how fucking horrible we are too each other. I am willing to work on myself, my attitude and how I treat other people and I'd like to think other people are willing to work on themselves too.
I also don't believe that bullies are horrible people that can't be saved. We are all created equal. I believe that a lot of bullies are hurting and that sucks for them. But if you are a bully, you need to fucking get a grip. I promise you that you will feel BETTER if you stop making other people feel like shit. You need to get right with you, and stop worrying about what anyone else is doing.
I don't believe people always get what they deserve. You could be the most amazing person in the world and bad things can happen to you - bad things happen to everyone. But being positive and being friendly is good for the soul and it's super fucking contagious. It doesn't make your problems go away but it makes dealing with them a bit easier. I'm as negative and sarcastic as they come sometimes but I can truly say that I am at my best when I'm focusing on the positive things in life and looking for the good in people and situations.
I was inspired to write about this after my sister in law shared with me BullyProof - a new bullying series on CBC. Make sure you look it up and check out some videos when you are through here. My sister in law, writer of Live Happe, posted the video she sent in. The video touched my heart, and after lots of thinking for the last few months or so beforehand, prompted me to write this blog. (You can watch the video in her latest blog post.)
This blog kind of shot out of my ass. It's a bit all over the places but my readers rock and will find some way to understand me. I wasn't sure where I was going with it. Maybe you will take away something from it, maybe you will take away nothing from it. Maybe no one will read it. But if you do read it, and if you do care, just TRY, for ONE day to do better. Try to think positively about people, try to love people, try to not take out your own securities on others.
If I could make sure that everyone got something from this blog it would be to get right right with yourself. It's where everything begins. I am getting healthy so that I can be happy. I am learning to love myself so that I can fully love everyone else, through all imperfections, including myself. When things are right in your own head and in your own life, it tends to translate into everything you do and how you interact with everyone you interact with. Nothing will ever be perfect but we can certainly try.
Big love,
Bailey.
What defines a bully? I'm not totally sure. They certainly come in all shapes and sizes. I'd like to just say "someone who is a total cunt" but that's not really the answer. It's not that simple. In my experience, normally a bully is someone who feels so shitty about themselves, or doesn't have enough confidence or self assurance, that they need to bring everyone else down so they don't feel so awful. Sometimes this is brought on because they were once a victim. Sometimes they can't be confident enough in themselves and happy enough with their own lives so they fuck with other peoples shit.
I was never really bullied. If I was, I didn't pay much attention and I have totally forgotten now. I had incidences where I felt totally excluded and like the scum of the earth because of girls. We all did. Girls are horrible. They just are. Some never stop being horrible and they end up really sad in life and that's on them. I have been called fat, stupid and I have received lot of interesting comments in high school because of the way I dressed or wore my hair. The thing is, I don't give a flying fuck now and I didn't then either. Those people don't mean anything to me. This blog isn't about them though. It's about the rest of us.
I'm not here to talk about how horrible bullies are. I'm not going to call out every person who ever said something rude to me or talk about all the assholes I see on facebook being absolute tools to other people. I'm not going to drone on about how much of a douchebag you are if you glare at other girls to intimidate them even though, fyi, you're a total douche bag. I'm just here to say that if you want to stop being bullied, put a little positivity back into the world and don't just sit around while you see other people being bullied. And if you are a bully, grow the fuck up and get some self esteem.
The reason I never let things people say get to me is because I don't give a shit what most people think. I know it sounds hard and it's easier said then done but what is the value of someone's opinion who sits around pathetically analyzing you when they could be off living their own life? Right. No value. If they really find their worth in bringing you down then they are honestly not someone who's opinion should be highly valued.
Bullying happens because we allow it to happen. If 10 people stood up for a victim every time a bully went all jack ass on them - the bully would be defeated. That would be the end. We just tend to be a bit cowardly. I'm a coward. I have stood by more times than I can count and it's something I truly wish I wouldn't have done. There are far more bystanders than actual bullies.
Another huge problem is that we say hurtful things all the time and we don't consider it bullying. I could be considered a bully by someones standards for sure. I just called a lot of people douchebags in this post. I truly believe you are douche bag if you try to make other people feel like shit because you are that insecure. I'm not saying it because it benefits me, I'm saying it because I believe it. But those are hurtful words, whether you are a bad person or not, and that's something I could work on.
We all have something we could work on. I hear girls talk about how another girl is a bitch to her, and they play the victim, and everyone is gainst them. Then the same girls turns around and say the meanest shit I've ever heard about another girl. How fair is that? It's not but we've all been there. But how much sense does it make to complain about bullying and turn around and say hurtful things about people?
I know that alone, I am never going to stop bullying because people are never going to stop being human. We can help it but I honestly don't have a lot of faith in humanity at the moment. I do like to think that if we all just try to be a little more positive, or friendly, we could cause a real change. I'm not saying you need to start a program at your school to stop bullying (though that could be a great idea - YOLO, people, YOLO) but just start changing your attitude, then your thoughts and eventually your words and it could go a long way.
Instead of calling someone a bitch, tell your friend how pretty she looks. Start positive or proactive conversation within your friend circles instead of gossip The next time you see someone wearing a shirt you like, tell them. When you notice a guy on your teams shot has improved, congratulate him. When someone holds a door for you, thank them. When someone is behind you, hold the fucking door for them. Be kind and helpful at work. Smile once in a while. Hug your mom. Hug yourself for gods sake - you're pretty great.
I'm not a perfect person. I have said a lot of hurtful things. I've stood by many times. I'm not playing holier than thou' right now. I'm just offering up some sort of solution because it is crazy how fucking horrible we are too each other. I am willing to work on myself, my attitude and how I treat other people and I'd like to think other people are willing to work on themselves too.
I also don't believe that bullies are horrible people that can't be saved. We are all created equal. I believe that a lot of bullies are hurting and that sucks for them. But if you are a bully, you need to fucking get a grip. I promise you that you will feel BETTER if you stop making other people feel like shit. You need to get right with you, and stop worrying about what anyone else is doing.
I don't believe people always get what they deserve. You could be the most amazing person in the world and bad things can happen to you - bad things happen to everyone. But being positive and being friendly is good for the soul and it's super fucking contagious. It doesn't make your problems go away but it makes dealing with them a bit easier. I'm as negative and sarcastic as they come sometimes but I can truly say that I am at my best when I'm focusing on the positive things in life and looking for the good in people and situations.
I was inspired to write about this after my sister in law shared with me BullyProof - a new bullying series on CBC. Make sure you look it up and check out some videos when you are through here. My sister in law, writer of Live Happe, posted the video she sent in. The video touched my heart, and after lots of thinking for the last few months or so beforehand, prompted me to write this blog. (You can watch the video in her latest blog post.)
This blog kind of shot out of my ass. It's a bit all over the places but my readers rock and will find some way to understand me. I wasn't sure where I was going with it. Maybe you will take away something from it, maybe you will take away nothing from it. Maybe no one will read it. But if you do read it, and if you do care, just TRY, for ONE day to do better. Try to think positively about people, try to love people, try to not take out your own securities on others.
If I could make sure that everyone got something from this blog it would be to get right right with yourself. It's where everything begins. I am getting healthy so that I can be happy. I am learning to love myself so that I can fully love everyone else, through all imperfections, including myself. When things are right in your own head and in your own life, it tends to translate into everything you do and how you interact with everyone you interact with. Nothing will ever be perfect but we can certainly try.
Big love,
Bailey.
