Balancing My Summer [Weigh In Wednesday Link Up]

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On Sunday I wrote about how I was totally going to gain 3-5lbs at my weigh in on Monday and I was totally right. So I'll put it right out there - I weighed in at 223.6 on Monday, so I gained back the 2.8 I had lost the week before. Like I explained, I deserved it and I do plan to redeem myself this week. I have already started, I'm doing well with eating, getting in some good work outs and the scale is moving down so we're good. No more stalling, I want to keep the ball rolling! I've been stuck for past 3 weeks and I can't do it anymore lol I cannot give up.

This week I tried something new at the gym : bench press. I've wanted to get into big kid weights for a while. I do a ton of strength training but I never try using the bars or anything fancy - I just use hand weights and do things I can use my body weight for (I got lots of that to work with). I was working out with Tamara today and she offered to spot me so I took my chance. I only did the bar with 5lbs at each end but it was me pushing myself and Im glad I tried it. I will hopefully start incorporating them into my work outs because I love when I can feel it and I felt it! My arms shook for the rest of my work out - my pathetic upper body strength at its best.

This month my big focus is balance. I need to try to find balance with my fitness and eating between working crazy hours, working crazy hours at a place with excellent highly caloric food and attempting to have some sort of a social life then balancing the health aspect of being social. Summer time is the hardest time for me to lose weight - there is always food and drinks and when there isn't I'm working at a place that sells both those things. It ain't easy. On top of that it's very hard for me to find time to work out but I'm going to do it.. it's just not going to be as easy as when I was working like once a week. Does anyone have any tips for me?

Instead of listening to me babble on about nothing, you should listen to other people (and join them if you wrote anything weight loss/health/fitness related this week) talk about their successes from the past week! Check out the link up my friends because I honestly don't have a single useful word to say right now.



Big Love,
Bailey

Confessions

Admitting to myself when I suck is the hardest part. Admitting it to my blog is a very close 2nd but it has to be done. I find owning it helps me move on from it. I've had pains in my stomach all week because I know I got a bit out of control with my eating since last weekend. I know that I can come back from it but I feel like shit about it and I just feel like shit in general from eating all these things I normally wouldn't.

So here is my confessions : two brownies, a hot dog, poutine, 2 molasses cookies, pizza, a chocolate bar, nacho dip, peanut butter jelly sandwiches, a muffin, oreos, adult beverages and a lot of iced tea, which I normally wouldn't drink as I drink water 95% of the time. None of these are things I would absolutely never eat but it would be rare and it would be in moderation. I ate all that shit in one week. So not okay!

So why this week? I survived PMS without any cravings but once I actually got my period the cravings were off the wall. I know it sounds like an excuse, which I suppose it is, but I don't normally crave anything so it seems wild when I get one. I just wasn't strong enough! Some periods I don't get any at all but all I could think about this week was food, brownies and carbs specifically. I actually felt sort of helpless, I had felt so in control for the past two months or so it was hard to feel that power struggle happen.

On top of all this, I worked about 50 hours this week (which is also the reason I've been missing from the blog world). Some days I was going to work at the Day Care from 9-3 and then working 3:30-9 at Gallaways. That is a long day and though I tried to pack lunches and healthy snacks, I found unhealthy convenience in the wrong places. It's hard to go from having so much time to focus on eating well and exercising to working that much .. so I know that finding time for myself is going to be something I need to work on this summer. I worked out twice this week.. TWICE! I worked out 7 days last week and I love to work out so it's totally not okay that I only went to the gym twice.

Excuses excuses, there really is nothing I can do now. I know for sure that when I get on the scale in the am I will be up at least 3 pounds, maybe even 5. I'm back to where I was two weeks ago and that's unfortunate. I need to work on making time for work outs this week and now that my period is ending there is no cravings and no need to keep eating all that shit. I had my time, now its over and it's time to get back to being awesome.

I am definitely going to have a good week. I am still working often but there is only one day where I work 9-9 which will make it easier to get to the gym. Writing this has helped me refocus and if you all wwant to send me lots of good vibes I'd appreciate it. It's not an easy journey and I am going to keep fucking up until I get it right but I will get it right..... eventually. 

Big Love,
Bailey.

And just because this is fucking hilarious

suns out, guns out. [weigh in wednesday link up]

Welcome to WIW!

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If any of you follow my blogs facebook page (which if you don't, you should - cmon now!!) you may have heard my good news on monday. It looked something like this :

Shout out to my moms super witty comment about being without weight. What a jokester. The point is that after this weeks weigh in I'm back at having lost over 30lbs and two days later I'm still pretty pumped about it. I didn't mention it then but my weight loss this week was 2.8lbs so I am now at 220.8 - so freakin close to the teens. 

At first I was a little disappointed because I was hella bloated and I had seen as low as 2 FREAKIN 17 through out the week but it is what it is, Im glad I lost and now I know that if I keep up the hard work I could see a great number this week. I REALLY want to get into the 210s this week and while I try not to make too many time limits on my loss as it jinxes me, Im ready to start seeing those numbers again!

So far my week is going well. I had my yolo meal yesterday at work and man was it good. It was amazing homemade lasagna (at Gallaways for all you islanders interested) and caesar salad. Seriously it was the best lasagna my mouth has ever tasted. So happy I ate it and I didn't even feel guilty - that is me working on my goal from this post I wrote on the weekend. Later food guilt!

lol. but seriously. no one gets a bite of my yolo meal. 

This week I just want to touch a bit on building muscle. I know not every gain or week I maintain is me building muscle but I'm definitely starting to feel stronger and see some definition in places I haven't before (lets be honest, not many places on me can be defined through the blubber atm). I do so many freakin' squats and I can tell my legs are getting hella stronger. For example I have been able to do lunges the past 2 or 3 weeks. For the longest time I could not to lunges as my knees were so bad I couldn't even get into one. Now that I've been working on my legs and core I am strong enough to get into a lunge without all that pressure on my knees making it impossible. That's exciting and nerdily so but it makes me happy. I love to hate lunges!

I have also moved up on weight for tricep and bicep curls. My arms are a big trouble spot for me and they still seem huge to me but I can feel such a change in my biceps and when Im doing tricep exercises I almost see some lines forming. I've never been much of a fan of short sleeved shirts at the gym but Im feeling way more comfortable. It's summer time : suns out, guns out baby. You can't see my guns but I can pretend. Today I wore some Gapfit stuff that I bought myself for my bday and I felt like a real gym go-er - look at dat sleeveless shirt! I snapped this pic and was pleasantly surprised at the differences Im starting to see with my body and the shifting that's going on. Dear stomach fat : pack up and head to my behind! 

So long story short, I do think that I am building muscle and it's something to consider when I feel I've had a spot on week and I don't see the loss I thought I would. :) 

Before I go I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm back on instagram and keeping up with lot's general grams and weight loss related instagrams so follow me, I'll follow you, and we can cyber stalk each other! 

handle : beejsmallz

While you're at it will you do me a huge favor? If you're interested in keeping up with my blogs and hearing random exciting news like in the first picture of the post, become a fan of my facebook page! I am SO close to 400 likes and it would make me so happy to hit it. 

www.facebook.com/beingbailey

Now link up!!

Big Love,

Bailey J

The Cheeseburger

I have a problem and my problem is food guilt. Okay I have a lot of problems but one of them is food guilt. I know that a bit of guilt when I eat shitty is good because I'm recognizing that I'm over eating and I can put a stop to it. My problem is that when I get back into the swing of things and I'm eating really healthy and working out - sometimes my food guilt is possibly a bit disordered and I'm not okay with that.

I see the issue and I want to stop but I don't know how.. Maybe I should feel guilty.. and I guess that's where my problem is. I realized today it was an issue when my mother came in and asked me if I had eaten the cheeseburger that was in the fridge and it made me cry. It didn't make me cry that she was accusing me of eating the cheeseburger, it made me cry when I admitted that yes, I had ate the cheeseburger and now it was no longer my secret. Everyone knew I ate the cheeseburger.

I will spend the whole weekend worrying about the scale on Monday and if it will just pop up "You ate a cheeseburger, idiot" when I go to do my weight watchers weigh in. If the scale says something I don't approve of I will see my body differently in the mirror than I had just 30 seconds before I stepped on. I'll blame it all on the cheeseburger, my self sabotage and my lack of will power. I'll tell myself I was stupid to think I'd ever make it to goal weight eating like that.

I will waste my entire weekend having food guilt because I ate a stupid fucking cheeseburger. Whether I should feed guilty or not.. I don't want to. I don't want to spend my life feeling like shit because I eat something that I probably should avoid. I know I can't lose weight if I eat those things though so I don't really know how to stop the cycle.

All I know is I don't want to feel like that anymore and I have no idea how not to.

Help me?
Bailey. 

Life Lately

My life lately sort of revolves around the gym, eating healthy and seeing my friends. It's about to become mainly about work (I hope) so I do soak up the free time that I have. This week I did a shift at the Day Care, a shift at the restaurant, and I work all weekend at the restaurant.

 In the mean time there was a little bit o' this :

Maddy and I went on an hour hike before I went to work on Wednesday and I loved it. There were lots of hills so it was a good work out and it was super pretty so it was easy to enjoy. I don't mind a good work out if I get to have chats with a friend and there is good scenery. Doing this inside on a treadmill would bore me to do death but I loved the hike.

We also went for a bike ride today which was fun. Dating Mark sort of renewed my love for biking and I'm glad because it's such a fun way to get some exercise in. It was a bit cool going along the water but once we got into the woods (and going up the fucking hills) it was nice and warm. I even got a tan - score!

Such a gorgeous, graceful girl I am. You like the basket? I actually love it. This isn't my bike but I want to take it and buy groceries and just bike around with chores to do and make use of that basket. I love it.

Madeleine looking much more athletic than I. She actually is in the second picture. If you look closely she is there. We were merrily biking along when some sort of flying beast started chasing her and she took off. I looked like a fat slob who couldn't keep up but..lets be real..couldn't have kept up with that. Moral of the story : awesome bike ride. I don't know what Id do without Maddy and forcing her to be active with me.

Other than that I've been going to the gym, eating and sleeping. I did manage to capture a couple of my meals and since everyone loves a good food pic I might as well share.

As you can see I really like avocados. Some people blast them because of their fat content but it's good fat ya'll and since I stated eating them more regularly I've lost weight so BOO on you avocado haters. I love em..and it appears I love salad but it's more of a "I like salad and its good for me so I'll load it onto my plate" sort of thing. I do love some salads but this one had onions which made me hesitate. And for the curious ones out there the first picture is ground turkey and the second one is spaghetti squash with tomato sauce. More delish than one would assume.

One more very sad thing happened this week.. the brakes went in my car. I was driving down a hill when I discovered this but luckily there was no cars coming and I had about 10% brakes so I was able to maneuver and get home safely. I don't think it's going to be too expensive to fix but Im sad without a car and I'm sad I have to spend money that I dont' really have. Oh well - lifes like that.

She looks so sad. 

Anywho. That's about it for me this week - my life is pretty chill! I just wanted to catch up with everyone. How are you all doing? Have a good wkd! 

Big love,

Bailey

Ps. Sorry about the awkward spacing of the pictures in this post. It's nothing I really know how to fix so just go with it! One life!